July 2011
5 posts
July 5, 2011
On this date in 1996, Dolly the Sheep was born, thereby sounding the death knell for the natural order of things in this crazy, mixed-up world. As you may recall, Dolly the Sheep was the first mammal ever successfully cloned, but she certainly was not the last. Immediately after her “birth” (if you can call it that (1)), Scottish scientists announced plans to clone a lion, that they...
July 4, 2011
On this date, in celebration of Independence Day, Americans like to exercise their freedom by blowing things up. Oh, at home I mean. Not in the usual way.
July 3, 2011
On this date in 1754, George Washington surrendered Fort Necessity to the French (and Indian?) troops. Which was a real blow to the war against the French (and Indians). Of all the forts, we really, reallyneeded that one. Fun fact: George Washington would later go on to appear on the one dollar bill! ***** On this date in 1778, Prussia declared war on Austria! Moments later, realizing their...
July 2, 2011
On this date in 1776, the Continental Congress adopted a resolution severing ties with Great Britain, but held onto it until the 4th to make sure it was released on a holiday.
THAT’S IT.
July 1, 2011
Happy Canada Day in Canada! Happy Republic Day in Ghana! Happy Emancipation Day in Suriname and Netherlands Antilles! Happy Independence Day Burundi and Rwanda! And, um, Happy Hong Kong Special Administrative Region Establishment Day! To all of you except Hong Kong, we celebrate you! And to Hong Kong, we do hereby give all proper and fitting acclamations following only the strictest protocol...
June 2011
25 posts
June 30, 2011
On this date in 1905, Albert Einstein published “On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies,” in which he introduced special relativity. Special relativity would lead an exciting, zesty life until it was killed in 1912 by general relativity, (who at that point was only a colonel). When asked why he killed special relativity the colonel replied: “Je ne sais pas… he just thought...
June 29, 2011
Sorry, I keep forgetting.
AHEM.
On this date in the year 512 (2 To The Fighting 9th Power!), a solar eclipse was recorded by a monastic chronicler in Ireland. What’s notable about this? Why, only that Monastic Chronicler is definitely the name of my new Gregorian Chant/Slam Metal band. I’m not sure how that’s going to… sound, but with a name like Monastic Chronicler,...
June 27, 2011
OH YEAH INSTANT BREAKFAST I FORGOT.
It’s Siebenschläfertag Day in Germany today! The day when the entire population must SIEBENSCHLAFERTAG OR STERBEN SIE! Actually, so the story goes, if it rains today it will be a rainy summer. Well, you know, I just don’t trust any weather-related prediction that doesn’t involve a giant hibernating rodent. But it’s raining here today. So...
June 23, 2011
On this date in 1969, retiring Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Earl Warren swore in the new Chief Justice Warren Burger. Many years late, Warren Burger had the distinct pleasure of swearing in Chief Justice Burger Earl who overcame an early political defeat to Mayor McCheese in order to reach this highest office. Ultimately, however, he too would retire. He would be replaced by Earrlen...
June 22, 2011
On this date in 1812, Napoleon invaded Russia. And then on this date in 1941, Hitler invaded Russia. They both fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less known is this: don’t invade Russia.
Which… um… is actually part of Asia right? As it spans the entire length of the continent…...
June 21, 2011
It’s the Summer Solstice! Unless you’re in the Southern Hemisphere in which case it’s the Winter Solstice! But if you are in the Southern Hemisphere, that should be the least of your concerns. Far more pressing is: EVERYTHING IS UPSIDE DOWN.
It’s also apparently World Music Day today. I don’t know if that’s a day in which the whole world celebrates music, which...
June 20, 2011
On this date in 1685, the Duke of Monmouth declared himself King of England at Bridgwater. OK, two things: you can just… do that? You can just declare yourself King of England? Seriously? OK. Here goes: I’m King of England. Yup. It worked. Wow, I never thought it was so easy. I know one thing: Charles is gonna be ticked. OH! Topical reference! Bonus point! And the other thing is,...
June 19, 2011
On this date in 1914, a radiotelegraphic link was established between the United States and Germany. German Emperor Wilhelm II and US President Woodrow Wilson exchanged telegrams marking the occasion. And, as might not surprise you, I just so happen to have transcripts of their telegrams right here in front of me. WOODROW IT IS WILHELM STOP HOPE THINGS ARE WELL STOP LET ME JUST PUT FORWARD A...
June 18, 2011
On this date in 1873, Susan “B.” Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote in the presidential election. If you think that’s harsh, you should have seen what happened when she tried to pay her fine with what were obviously modified quarters with her own face on them. ***** It’s National Day in Seychelles! IB is very supportive of Seychelles because of their gloriously...
June 17, 2011
On this date in 1885, the Statue of Liberty arrived in New York Harbor. And boy were her legs tired. She has been resting her weary muscles for years, stretching in order to relieve the cramp in her arm. But one day and one day soon she will put her torch before her and stride on toward her final destination whose name we may never know. And those are the events dramatized in the movie...
June 16, 2011
Happy Bloomsday! Oh! Oh, happy Bloomsday once coming upon the calendar year, its morning cresting outward over spinning horizon and evening even later falling toward the other side and say! -Tra la la! it seems to say then left. Leftsense. Falling over the other side of sense the spray, the seaspray the onetwothree spray of the roiling sea. See it there the seaside swept in tralala!tralala! it...
June 15, 2011
Happy Flag Day! IN DENMARK!
Legend has it that the Danish flag (Dannebrog) fell from the sky (skii) during the Battle of Valdemar (Volmerslaget) in the year 1219 (twylvenooneteenislag) which resulted in Danish victory (Dannesmakdown) over the Estonians (the Estonians).
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On this date in 1752, Benjamin Franklin proved that lightning was electricity in an experiment using only a kite, a key,...
June 14, 2011
Happy Flag Day! On this date in 1777, the US Congress adopted the Stars and Stripes as the flag of the United States, which narrowly beat out other contenders such as: Stars and Polka Dots (too difficult to draw—those dots were all over the place) Stars and Little Wigs (too trendy— good foresight on their part) Stars and BIGGER STARS! (some stars were just too darned big) Stars and...
June 13, 2007
On this date in 1871, there was a terrible hurricane in Labrador. Now that was either one tiny hurricane, or one enormous dog. ***** On this date in 1942, the United States opened the Office of War Information, an office which had the sole purpose of providing information about the war. Oh. So it’s not just a clever name. Here are some sample bulletins sent out by the OWI (OWI!) over the...
June 12, 2011
On this date in 1381, English peasants were revolting. But really, when wasn’t that true? AHAHAHAHA. It’s also Independence Day in Russia and in the Philippines. They can’t both be independent today, can they? There is but one thing left to do. Russia and the Philippines must fight. Whosoever loses shall be dependent. That is the way of things. They’ve both been rough...
July 11, 2011
On this date in 1936, the International Surrealist Exhibition opened in London. In it, porcupines was transit conduit mercury lemon meringue pie. Tuna fish spied charcoal briquettes upon the nanometer spike table. Johnny Carson! Portugal! Cheese… indeed. ***** It’s Kamehameha Day in Hawaii! Celebrate the statehood of Hawaii today with flowers, the hula, and state dances dinner...
June 10, 2011
It’s Portugal Day! Portugal Day is celebrated on the anniversary of the death of Luis de Camoes, who wrote an epic poem celebrating Portugal’s achievements throughout history. He also died in 1580 (almost four hundred years ago!), so I guess Portugal’s been slacking. So here, to honor Portugal, is the poem! Hail, Portugal! Our home you shall remain! And ne’er forget the...
June 9, 2011
I forgot to do this yesterday, thus proving that June 8th does not actually exist.
It’s the 160th day of the year, meaning that the year is exactly half over*! Congratulations, folks, we hit the halfway mark!
In celebration, here is a picture of a dormouse eating a blackberry.
*This is true if you don’t really understand math and/or have a really loose understanding of the...
June 7, 2011
Today is 6/7/11, which is pretty cool since 6 + 7 = 11. I think.
This date in Ancient Rome was the first day of the Vestalia! To honor Vesta today, have you considered removing an unborn calf from a pregnant cow, as was the custom? If you haven’t considered it, you may stay. Hi. We’re friends. If you have considered it, please leave. You’re weird.
June 6, 2011
On this date in 1944, the Allies took all of their troops to the coast of France, and said “It’s a race to Berlin! Go!” This was Eisenhower’s “This Game of Risk Has Been Going On For Three Hours, Something’s Got To Give” plan of attack, which worked for him although it NEVER works for me, and then I end up slowly retreating to Australia and New Guinea...
June 5, 2011
On this date in 1829, HMS Pickle captured an armed slave ship off the coast of Cuba. It was supported in the action by HMS Sauerkraut and HMS Spicy Mustard.
Look, I’m all for capturing armed slave ships. I think we can all agree that’s a valid action for one of HMS. But “the Pickle” is a spectacularly dumb name for a war vessel.
For instance:
Pirate 1: Yar,...
June 4, 2011
On this date in 1979, Tonga gained independence from the United Kingdom. Well done! Independence! Yeah! So the Tongans made a flag. You know how Australia has the Union Jack in the upper-left corner to show that they were under British rule? Tonga’s flag makes it look as if they’re a territory of the International Red Cross:
Also, their motto is “Ko e ʻOtua mo Tonga ko...
June 3, 2011
On this date in 1850, Kansas City, Missouri, was officially incorporated. Contemporary accounts of the new city suggest that it was quite a bustling metropolis, and in certain ways almost spookily futuristic. By at least one account, they “went and built a skyscraper seven stories high,” which I think we can all agree is “about as high as a building oughta grow.” With...
June 2nd, 2011
On this date in 455, the Vandals arrived in Rome. Yes, the Vandals: the scourge of fifth century Europe, with their penchant for attacking populated cities and their great big cans of spray paint. They would simultaneously raid houses to steal all & sundry, and turn the aqueduct into their own personal message board with incomprehensible yet oddly evocative letter-shapes. In fact, the ...
June 1st, 2011
On this date in 1890, the United States began using mechanical tabulating machines to count census returns. Controversy erupted when it turned out that the tabulating machines had already recorded 2,000 votes for George W. Bush.
The tabulating machines were invented by, um, the inventor Herman Hollerith. He is famously quoted as saying, “of electrically non-conducting material, and...
May 2011
31 posts
May 31, 2011
On this date (1) in 1279 BCE, Ramesses The Great became Faroe of Egypt. His first two acts as Faroe were to change the spelling to Pharaoh to make it seem cooler (it worked), and to declare war on all the “people” in Egypt with animal heads. Particularly the jackal-headed people. Those guys were nothing but trouble, always, you know, leading the way to the underworld and whatnot....
May 30, 2011
This date in 1854 saw the Kansas-Nebraska Act. Many people believe that the Kansas-Nebraska Act was the law proclaiming the new US territories of Kansas and Utah (formerly Nebraska). Those people are wrong. The Kansas-Nebraska Act was actually the top ticket! The best seller! The number one performing duo in the nation! It swept the country, captivating a young nation! People everywhere were...
May 29, 2011
On this date in 1765, Patrick Henry made a very famous speech to Virginia’s legislature, during which he uttered that famous phrase: “If this be treason, make the most of it!” What’s less well-known is what immediately followed that line: “If this be treason, make the most of it! Dance! Everybody dance!” And yea, did the Virginia House of Burgesses dance...
May 28, 2011
Happy Flag Day in the Philippines! Here is their flag:
Yes. I approve of this flag. It’s just so darn happy. Bright colors! Shiny things! Sparkles! Sun and stars! A triangle! Two weird sort of rhombus things with the one strange side! Their national motto is “For God, For People, For Nature and For Country.” Which basically means, I think: “Our Country: Fourth...
May 27, 2011
Two years ago this week, I rode an actual legitimate bicycle to see a train car inside a building. This was the very same train car in which the Germans surrendered to the Allies at the end of World War I, and also the very same train car in which the Germans made the French surrender during World War II. It’s always nice to have some good old fashioned childish retribution right in the...
May 26, 2006
On this date in 1938, the House Un-American Activities Committee held its first meeting. This event should have triggered a paradox that wiped out all existence (or, at least, have used up the universe’s remaining stash of irony).
But it didn’t.
OR DID IT?
No it didn’t.
May 25, 2011
It’s National Tap Dance Day! You know what to do. You know exactly what you need to do. Tap shoes? Check. Sequins? Check. Some manner of top hat? Check. Desk and/or tabletop? Check. Milos Forman? Czech. The undeniable desire to dance those blues away? Double-check. Go to work. It’s your time to shine. Send video.
May 24, 2011
On this date in 1830, “Mary Had a Little Lamb” (MHaLL) was published for the first time. Written by Sarah Hale, MHaLL tells the endearing story of a girl (Mary) who took a lamb (Little Lamb) to school (not pictured), causing a disruption in the classroom. That’s the whole story. She has a baby sheep, she takes it to school, it disrupts class. That’s it. Epic. Anyway,...
May 23, 2011
On this date in 1911, the New York Public Library was officially dedicated. During the ceremony, Mayor William Jay Gaynor was suddenly attacked by two lions! He beat them back with courage and a copy of Shakespeare’s first folio, which just goes to prove the power of literature in the face of adversity. Or something.
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This date in 1618 was the Second Defenestration of Prague, when ...
May 22, 2011
It’s World Biodiversity Day! Grab a hamster, a chicken, a fern, a tapir, some beetles, a raccoon, a bunch of plankton, an assortment of fungi, two or three turtles, some dust mites, a penguin, and a colony of bacteria, a bunch of party hats in an extremely wide variety of sizes, and a reservation at the Rainforest Cafe! Two out of three kingdoms agree: World Biodiversity Day is the best...
May 21, 2011
On this date in 1674, the nobility elected John Sobieski (alternately called Jan III Sobieski or Sobieski III: This Time It’s John) King of Poland and Grand Duke of Lithuania. Which was a pretty good move on their part since a couple of years later he rode down to the Battle of Vienna and SAVED WESTERN CIVILIZATION. Sobieski himself wrote “All the common people kissed my hands, my...
May 20, 2011
On this date in 685, the Picts fought the Northumbrians at the Battle of Dunnichen (or the Battle of Nechtansmere depending on whose side you’re on). The Pictish force was commanded by King Bridei III (he wasn’t the third king called Bridei, that’s actually a row of lower case L’s; you just sort of trill your tongue after saying “Bridei”), who had his ...
May 19, 2011
On this date in 1643, the French forces under the command of duc d’Enghien (or, in the original Latin, “canard a l’orange”) defeated the Spanish forces at the Battle of Rocroi (literally “Elvis’ Battle” from “Rocroi” which means “rock-king” which obviously means “king of rock”). This battle took place near the end of...
May 18, 2011
What a difference 58 years makes! On this date in 1896, the US Supreme Court ruled in Plessy v. Ferguson that “separate but equal” was constitutional. But on yesterday’s date in 1954, the US Supreme Court said “Yeah, not so much,” and told the Board of Education of Kansas to take a running jump. The Board of Education of Kansas refused to take a running jump,...
May 17, 2011
On this date in 1673, Louis Joliet and Jacques Marquette began mapping the Mississippi River, looking for stuff to name after themselves. Joliet found the city of Joliet, Illinois, and thought he had won. Turns out Marquette had found not only a city of his own, but also a University, a bunch of high schools, parks in several states, and a landmarked building in the center of Chicago....
May 16, 2011
On this date in 1532, Sir Thomas More resigned as Lord Chancellor of England. His successor, Sir Thomas Most, did all the same stuff he had done. But just a little bit better.
Also, happy birthday to the nickel, which Congress created on this date in 1866, eliminating the half-dime coin. Which was nice, because the half-dime was really, really small and Franklin Roosevelt’s head was split...
May 15, 2011
On this date three years ago, I visited the bar at which IBEaters Carrie and Elinor were employed. The televisions in the bar are often tuned to movies. With no volume. Like as in we can’t hear their sound, not that the movies don’t take up physical room. Well, that either. Beside the point. Anyway, the movie that was silently playing on the screen that night was “Hollow...
May 14, 2011
On this date in 1483, Charles VII was crowned King of France. Charles was known as “Charles l’Affable,” which translates from the Latin as “Silly Charles.”
He is remembered for starting a bunch of wars with Italy, and for dying at age 28 by striking his own head against a doorway whilst attempting to walk through. Which is kind of, you know, *telling* in a sort...
May 13, 2011
Happy birthday to Danish physician Ole Worm (1588-1654), who lent his name to the popular adage “The early bird gets the worm; the late birds might not get any worm a all, but the last bird definitely gets Ole Worm. Sucker.”
To combat the silliness of his name, Ole Worm often went by Olaus Wormius, which did nothing to combat the silliness of his name.
Anyway, one of Ole Worm’s...
May 12, 2011
On this date in 1264, the Battle of Lewes was fought. The commanders were King Henry III of ENGLAND, and the rebel Simon de Montfort. And for only the third time in recorded history, everybody who fought on the battlefield that day was named Lew. On this date in 1588, King Henry III of FRANCE fled Paris after his the rebel Henry de Guise came storming in. Eventually, they both died. Note:...