May 30, 2011

This date in 1854 saw the Kansas-Nebraska Act. Many people believe that the Kansas-Nebraska Act was the law proclaiming the new US territories of Kansas and Utah (formerly Nebraska). Those people are wrong. The Kansas-Nebraska Act was actually the top ticket! The best seller! The number one performing duo in the nation! It swept the country, captivating a young nation! People everywhere were stunned, as this example dialogue shows:

Fellow 1: Good day there, fellow! Did you chance to catch the latest Edwin Forrest triumph! Smashing!
Fellow 2: More riots? Again?
Fellow 1: Not literally smashing, sir, I meant ‘smashing’ as the children use it these days. Like “I came into possession of five and twenty cents! Smashing!”
Fellow 2: Ah, I see. But no, sir, I did not see the latest Forrest act; for I was attending the Kansas-Nebraska Act!
Fellow 1: What ho? I hear that show features interstate song and dance!
Fellow 2: It does indeed! Kansas places on its head a top hat, twirls merrily a finely crafted cane, and performs various and sundry tumbling tricks!
Fellow 1: Joy!
Fellow 2: Meanwhile, Nebraska sings a rousing song which ends: “N-E-B-R-A-S-K-A we have as many letters as Oklahoma but not quite as many syllables! YOW!”
Fellow 1: Sounds like a jolly good time. How might I acquire tickets?
Fellow 2: Do I look like your local carnival barker?
Fellow 1: Quite a bit, yes.
Fellow 2: Hmm. If that’s not quite the coincidence… wait a second… I AM the local carnival barker! (suspenseful musical sting)