June 19, 2011

On this date in 1914, a radiotelegraphic link was established between the United States and Germany. German Emperor Wilhelm II and US President Woodrow Wilson exchanged telegrams marking the occasion. And, as might not surprise you, I just so happen to have transcripts of their telegrams right here in front of me.

WOODROW IT IS WILHELM STOP HOPE THINGS ARE WELL STOP LET ME JUST PUT FORWARD A HYPOTHETICAL STOP SAY I WANTED TO UNLEASH ALL OUT WAR IN EUROPE AND YOU KNOW SORT OF TAKE OVER LARGE PORTIONS OF IT STOP YOU WOULD NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT RIGHT STOP YOU HAVE ENOUGH STUFF TO DO OVER THERE STOP JUST A HYPOTHETICAL HA HA STOP HA HA STOP HA HA STOP

WILHELM IT IS WOODROW STOP CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW HA HA STOP OH WILHELM YOU ARE SO FUNNY STOP BUT JUST HYPOTHETICALLY IF YOU WERE TO INVADE EUROPE I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO STOP YOU STOP I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE WAS SAYING THAT I WAS GOING TO STOP YOU NOT THAT I WAS GOING TO STOP YOU STOP STOP STOP WRITING STOP STOP LOOK AT THAT STOP IT SAYS STOP STOP STOP WRITING STOP STOP STOP OH FORGET THIS THING I AM INVADING POLAND HA HA STOP STOP THAT DAMMIT STOP